The Magic Bullet
by munkmunk123
Summary: When your bored and have nothing to do, you buy a Magic Bullet! Of course it gets a little out of hand when Edward gets one and shares it with Jasper!


Disclaimers :I don't own twilight or any of the characters, and i did not create the magic bullet.

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"Ugh. How come there is nothing good on television anymore?" Edward complained as Jasper continued to surf channels.

"I know , all there seems to be is long infomercials... wait... look at this one Edward.

Jasper stopped on channel 21 and on the television , it said "Get the magic bullet for just 3 easy payments of 19.95!" and in an undertone said "just pay shipping and handling." Which the magic bullet you can blend anything into less then two minutes! Even a turkey!"

Edward just peered at the T.V in pure amazement , then slowly turned to Jasper and said,

"We need the Magic Bullet. Now.I don't care how we get it , I want it." He said menacingly.

Just a little creeped out by Edwards sudden need , Jasper grabbed the phone and dialled the number on the screen.

"Yes i would like to purchase a Magic Bullet...... Forks, Washington...... thank you ..... ok..... goodbye. They'll deliver it in three weeks." He said said as he continued to flip channels.

"Three weeks! I can't wait that long! I need it NOW!" Edward got red in the face and was just about to grab the phone when Esme came and asked what the boys were up to.

"Waiting 3 stinkin' weeks for a blender!" Edward roared, he then stomped upstairs, listened to Claire d' Lune , and started drawing pictures of him cutting up a whole turkey. After drawing a couple of pictures of himself cutting up various food products. He decided to draw a picture of himself cutting up the person who had said it would take three weeks to get the Magic Bullet to forks. Since he didn't know exactly who the person looked like, he just drew a stick man with a question mark on his face, and mumbled angrily and he pressed down very hard drawing the picture "Stupid person i don't know... stupid three whole weeks..." For the next three weeks he just drew pictures of him marrying the Magic Blender and drawing pictures of "Edward +MB = CUTTING STUFF UP! And pictures of what their kids would look like (yes he was _that_ in love with a kitchen appliance.)

+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+ Three weeks later-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-

"Edward, a package has arrived for you," said Alice as she gracefully entered Edward's room. "Oh... " she looked around the room and saw pictures of Edward and the Magic Blender getting married, and Edward chopping houses, she then looked at Edward and saw what big bags he had under his eyes probably from not sleeping for three weeks while waiting for his package to arrive. "You look awful! And your hair is so greasy!" Right beside Edward was a white bowl with a turd in it. "Oh my gosh! Why did you take a crap in a bowl? Why didn't you use a toilet?!?" she said with a look of horror spread across her face.

"Well... I didn't want to stop drawing and i didn't think I'd have time to go and walk to a washroom so..." he said sheepishly.

"Oh god! Excuse me! She rans towards the closest bathroom , slamed the door shut and puked her guts up.

"I didn't think it was THAT gross... whatever..." he said and shrugged his shoulders. "TIME TO GET MY PACKAGE!" he skipped downstairs and saw a big brown package on the kitchen table. The outside read "Magic Bullet" in swirly blue letters. He ripped open the box , pulled out the blender, and plugged it in. He looked inside his fridge for something to shred and saw a lovely TURKEY! He hastily grabbed it and shoved it in the blender, pressed the 'blend' button and watched at the Magic Bullet tore the turkey apart and cut it up in less then ten seconds.

"COOL! I have got to show jasper this!" he said as he looked at the cut up turkey in awe."JASPER! GET YOUR BUTT DOWN HERE NOW!"

A very panicked Jasper entered the kitchen and asked fervently "If everything alright? Is there a fire?" Then he noticed the blender. "You called me down for that?!? I was watching the season finale of America's top Model you jerk! They were just about to announce who won too!" Jasper whined.

"There'll always be reruns. Look at how cool this is! It cut up a whole turkey! Wanna help me cut more things?" Edward asked enthusiastically.

"I guess so..." he replied , giving in.

"Ok... how about ... we shred up ... a calculator?" Edward suggested.

"Sure."

They dropped Jaspers calculator in the Magic Bullet and watched as it too got shredded into tiny bits.

"Lets shred up... a chocolate bar!"

"Ok!"

"A toaster!"

"My laptop!"

"The T.V!"

"Hey Jazz... wanna stick your finger in the blender for a sec?" asked Edward innocently.

"Ok sure. HEY!"

"Cucumbers!"

"Your Pillow!"

"The Turd I had!"

"Um ew..."

"Ok... so maybe not the turd..."

Just then Esme came back into the kitchen with groceries, but dropped them in shock. The kitchen was a total disaster. Jasper and Edward were scolded, and as a punishment, Edward got his Magic Bullet token away.

THE END

(Poor Edward! XD)

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Please R and R , this is my first full story thankyou


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